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In this issue:

  • GTC Ball

  • Events

  •  •  Mindfulness meditation - taster session
  •  •  GTBC Rowing Friends & Family Day!
  • Tree News

  •  •  Gardening scandal

  •  •  Students devastated to find exam questions drawn from Facebook
  •  •  Dismal weather ends tedious obligation to fake jollity

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Surprise holiday Grapevine

Did you really think I would leave on such a boring note? Without any Tree or Fake News? After 9 months of providing your Friday (alright sometimes Saturday, sorry) entertainment, I couldn't resist chipping in again. Especially as I'm now free from the torment of exams and can once again dedicate 3 hours of my day to literary pursuits.

There are some important ball announcements below, so please pay attention to those! And the last yoga class is this Sunday, so after the debauchery of the ball, meet in the gym to get your zen back. Oh you're not going to the ball? That is a mistake my friend. Tickets are still available, get in there!


P.S. Is it week 10? Who knows, it was a random guess. Don't quote me on that.

GTC Ball


Snatch the Final Ball Tickets!

Don't be glum that the group tickets have sold out. There are now under 30 individual tickets left. You can book yours through the event website at

Come and enjoy a night where the infamous Wine Cafe will be serving wine, Taste of Tibet will serve their delicacies, and G&D offer the most POPular Ice-cream Oxford has tasted!

When?July 1st 19:00-5:00
Where?Green Templeton College
How much?£115.00
Questions?Email Vira Ameli
More info:Facebook


On the night of Saturday, 1st July 2017, we will be hosting our annual college summer ball.

Regrettably, for purposes of logistics and security we will need to ask all bicycles parked in the main entrance of the college be removed from that area by 29 June, 2017. Bicycles can be left in any college bike shed, except for the one in the main entrance.

We understand that this may cause inconvenience and apologize in advance. We would greatly appreciate your cooperation.

If you have any queries or concerns, please feel free to get in touch by email to

Questions?Email GTC Ball


Mindfulness meditation - taster session

Feelings of stress, worry and anxiety are often present in our lives, particularly in a place like Oxford. Sometimes we may also go through life feeling like things are just not quite right. The rush and business of our lives and the constant chasing of one thing after another can at times get overwhelming, making us feel like headless chickens running around mindlessly.

Meditation can help us to be less stressed and find more balance in the midst of our busy lives. By stepping out of the automatic “doing-mode” into a more intentional “being-mode”, meditation provides us with a way of putting things into a bigger perspective, responding more skilfully to our challenges and living life more wholesomely and with more joy.

This introductory meditation class is suitable for complete beginners who want to get a taste for meditation, as well as those who have had some practice in the past. We will be practicing a secular form of mindfulness meditation, welcoming people of any religion and none. Classes will be friendly and welcoming and you can choose to meditate in whichever position is most comfortable for you - lying down, sitting up or even standing!

We will be meeting (almost) every Sunday afternoon and you can attend as often or as seldom as you like (though just like going to the gym, you will feel more benefits if you practice regularly!). Classes are free of charge and everyone is very welcome.

Please get in touch in case of any questions or requests!

When?1.30 - 2.15pm, Sunday 2nd July (NOTE! Earlier time than usual because of change in Yoga session time)
Where?GTC Rotunda (new music practice room, round building near the library)
Questions?Email Mira Schneiders
More info:Event website

GTBC Rowing Friends & Family Day!

Ever wondered why your friend / colleague / family member / college member you know is obsessed with a sport that has them waking up before the sunrise and on the water repeating what appears to be the same movement over and over again!? .... Well wonder no more!!

GTBC will be running a friends and family day to give you and a bunch of your friends or family the opportunity to:
- Learn the basics of rowing
- Actually get to row in one of those giant 8+ rowing boats and paddle down the Isis
- Eat BBQ food in (hopefully!) sunshine by the river

For more details and to sign up please click on the link below! ALL WELCOME!

When?Saturday 15th July 2017
Where?Longbridge Boat House
Questions?Email Laurienne Edgar
More info:Event website

Tree News

Gardening scandal

GTC's well-loved gardener has been caught up in some gardening controversy, it has emerged. In the pandemonium following the storm last week (yes, international friends, "storm" is used very loosely in England. What actually occured was light rain for several hours, and a few gusts of wind that might have knocked off your hat), the top of one of the freshly-planted trees outside of the Observatory snapped off. Michael was later seen cunningly tying a horizontal branch into a vertical position. This creates the illusion that the broken tree is still as tall as its counterpart across the pathway. However, this has drawn mixed opinions. "This act of deception is unconscionable," said one visibly upset student, "If we can't even trust Michael to deliver honest gardening, who can we turn to in these dark times of fake news?" Another student was heard to say, "I commend Michael's ingenuity here. Rather this than than having an unsightly mismatch of tree heights". It was further mentioned that Michael was arguably the MVP of GTC, and should be rewarded, preferably through the establishment of a Gardening Nauti award.

Questions?Email Ernest Scribbler


Students devastated to find exam questions drawn from Facebook

Dozens of GTC students were left confused and dismayed after opening their exam papers to find tests based on their Facebook newsfeeds. This trend appears to have taken hold across subjects and levels, with both MSc, MPhil, and DPhil students affected. The seemingly trival and inane questions completely stumped most students, who had diligently spent weeks in the library solely reading about the nature of the welfare state, higher order time series analysis, and the structure of the KDEL protein.
However, this material didn't appear anywhere in the papers. Instead, students were asked to "provide five examples of foods people you vaguely know from high school ate last week", "what Hogwarts house did the Buzzfeed quiz sort Jennifer Huffingdon into", and "who recently went on a 'big run' but wasn't originally going to and is now feeling 'really chuffed'?".

"I mean, this is all pointless trivia about people I actually hate," said one student, "who actually remembers that sh*t?". Candidates were also discouraged from demonstrating original thought and argument, and rather asked to merely loosely quote Guardian and NY Times articles that they had skim read. Furthermore, extension questions such as "what are the top 15 celtic baby names that work for both genders" were included to really stretch candidates and separate the good from the best.
This surprising change in examination technique comes after the recent announcement that the notoriously difficult All Souls entrance exam is to be replaced by a box asking for a response to "What's on your mind?" in 140 characters or less.

Questions?Email Ernest Scribbler

Dismal weather ends tedious obligation to fake jollity

As wind and rain sweep through Oxford, students have breathed a sigh of relief as they can drop the joyful pretence that they have had to maintain for the past week. Researchers have confirmed that there is no longer any obligation to make pedestrian, unimaginative comments about sunshine and how divine it makes everything. Everyone can now return to the more comfortable state of complaining about the incessant English rain and how grey it makes everything.
Gertrude Banal, of the MSc in Weather, commented that students are generally miserable all the time, but this is aggrevated when undergrads without exams are frolicking about in the sun saying vapid things like "suns out, guns out". The onset of rain and wind releases one from the thin veil of happiness, which is only maintained because "everyone else is so bloody happy, innit?"

Questions?Email Ernest Scribbler
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